Yet Another Hybrid Graphics Problem Featuring nVidia

MicroCenter won’t give me my money back for the laptop with the poisoned GPU (anything with the n word). I’ve followed a couple of dozen tutorials and watched, not surprised, as nothing worked.
Has anyone actually gotten hybrid AMD Ryzen integrated/nvidia discrete graphics to work with anything approaching consistency or sanity? The only solution I’ve found is to run Arch Linux and install the optimus application. But I don’t want to run Arch Linux and Debian/Kali Linux cannot use the aforementioned optimus application. Not that this is an optimus laptop to begin with - that’s a specific brand, isn’t it?

If you’re running any current distribution and driver, the nvidia gpu should already be availyble in offload mode:
To set the nvidia gpu as primary gpu:

Section "OutputClass"
    Identifier "nvidia"
    MatchDriver "nvidia-drm"
    Driver "nvidia"
    Option "PrimaryGpu" "yes"
    Option "AllowEmptyInitialConfiguration" "true"

(check xrandr --listproviders for the correct name instead of modesetting for amd)